Oh, how I miss you Mother!

Oh how I miss you mother!!

Ok, today  it's being a year and a month since my mom passed away.  In meeting new people thru my job, I find it difficult sometimes to go on with life as if everything is ok.  But everything is not ok, my mom is not here, how can anything be ok.  How do I make people already in my life, and new people I meet understand the depth of my grief.  Sometimes when I cannot contain my sadness, and I start crying, people tell me "let go" and move on.  But chingado!!  how can I "move on" if I am not allowed to grief, to cry, and be sad for the loss of my mother? Oh, how I miss you mother...

I feel sad every time I do something, always thinking Oh, how my mom would love this or that.  Because of my job, I have to be always "in good spirits" to motivate la gente.  But often times, I think of my mother, and sometimes I find it insulting that life goes on, without  her presence, at least her presence in my life...Oh how I miss you mother!, how I wish you were still here, if only for a second  to hug you and tell you how much I love you...

I carry you in my heart forever and I always will, but it's really not the same.   How I wish you were here, so that I could go to your room like I did every morning, to say good morning, how I love the fact that you were always waiting for me,   I remember how you will widen your eyes in excitement every time you see me first thing in the morning.  And how you will always ask, "Ya comiste mijita"  And I miss the looks in your face every time I got back from work. I guess I miss that feeling of being so important in someone's life.  That is how I felt every time I walk into your room, how much you love me, and how I was everything in your life...Oh, how I miss you mother!...

I am and will always be thankful that you were my mother.  It was such an honor to be with you, to share with you, to get mad at you, to share your struggles with your long illnesses, and to be there holding you and hugging you when you died....Oh how I miss you mother...

I remember that last time we share with you.  How happy you were, how happy I was to see you like that...I remember thinking at that moment how thankful  I was to have you in my life.  And I remember at that time, how I felt so overwhelm with love for you.  It was such a great time, the last time I will see you in good spirit....You are always on my mind and in my heart...But I miss you so very much. Oh how I miss you mother...

This is the last time My mother was well.  Four days later she passed away. On November 4th 2013.

Filosofando!

What does it take to do ordinary things in the most extraordinary ways?
In the mid 80's I was involve with the Sanctuary movement, and I learn about justice and peace.
At age 18, I remember asking myself, what is justice? if someone hurts me, should I hurt them back, because that is only fair, it puts things in balance, right? Is Justice real, or is it just an illusion?
And peace, what is that, a place? a feeling? or a simple state of mind? why is there so much violence in this world? Then my first mentor in these issues, gave me a phrase to reflect on: "Si quieres paz, lucha por la Justicia, If you want peace, work for justice" and he told me that we as Jesus, need to opt for the poor! we need to take the side of the oppressed and walk with them in solidarity--what? My first intro to Liberation Theology. At that time, I did not understand at all what he was telling me, I only remember thinking, is this the meaning of life?
Years later, I still asking these very same questions, however, in my journey, I have learned quite a few things that have expanded my wisdom. This is a space I have created to share some of that knowledge with you.
I am aware of the fact that my life in this world is very limited, therefore, I want to continue my pursuit of a "life with no regrets" and the desire for "life" itself. But I want to experience this in the most profound way, and in order to do this, I have to relate to others, I had some bad experiences in my life, but I think I had learned to take that as a way to truly understand the deep suffering of others, and engage with them into support relationships that has enhance my life and theirs in this journey of life.